This is an experiment.
Edit: it worked.
Lego, Ven, and anyone else, you can comment here, and i will edit this post accordingly.
Second Edit:
It is absolutely pouring rain over here. I'm in McDonald's now... Probably will be unable to edit again. I MISS YOU GUYS! *sob* Try to make it til Monday without me.
*duels with Kal*
*hugs everyone else*
Wednesday 31 August 2011
Friday 26 August 2011
My Immortal MST- Chapters 7-9
Who knew tearing apart bad fics could be so much fun?
AN: wel ok u guyz im only writting dis cuz I got 5 god reviuws. (How?) n BTW I wont rite da nxt chapter til I git TIN god vons! (Oh dear god no.) STO FLAMING OR ILL REPORT U! Evony isn't a Marie Sue ok she isn't perfect SHES A SATANITS! (Whatever.) n she has problemz shes depressed 4 godz sake! (she doesn't seem very depressed...)
Draco and I held our pale white hands with black nail polish as we went upstairs. I was wearing red Satanist sings (What would a satanist sing? Probably Voltaire.) on my nails in red nail polish (AN: c doez dat sound lik a Maru Sue 2 u?). (Could be.) I waved to Vampire. Dark misery was in his depressed eyes. (I usually put happiness in my depressed eyes.) I guess he was jealous of me that I was going out with Draco. (LOLWUT?) Anyway, I went upstairs excitedly with Draco. We went into his room and locked the door. Then... (Ellipses...)
We started frenching passively (Passively?) and we took off each others clothes enthusiastically. (Okay.) He felt me up before I took of my top. Then I took off my black leather bra and he took off his pants. We went on the bed and started making out naked and then he put his boy's thingy (Adam's apple?) in mine (You have an Adam's apple?) and we HAD SEX. (c is dat stupid?) (The way you make it sound? Yes.)
"Oh Draco, Draco!" I screamed while getting an orgasm (Okay. Either you're leaving stuff out, or you're very quick...) when all of a sudden I saw a tattoo I had never seen before on Draco's arm. It was a black heart with an arrow through it. On it in bloody gothic writing were the words... Vampire! (Please stop with the Ellipses... Please...)
I was so angry. (Somebody needs a hug...)
"You bastard!" I shouted angrily, jumping out of the bed.
"No! No! But you don't understand!" Draco pleaded. But I knew too much.
"No, you fucking idiot!" I shouted. "You probably have AIDs anyway!" (If he does... you've probably already got it.)
I put on my clothes all huffily and then stomped out. Draco ran out even though he was naked. (so very very OOC.) He had a really big you-know-what but I was too mad to care. (Why are you telling us that now?) I stomped out and did so until I was in Vampire's classroom where he was having a lesson with Professor Snape and some other people.
"VAMPIRE POTTER, YOU MOTHERFUCKER!" I yelled. (Quiet. There's a class in progress.)
AN: stop flassing (But flossing's good! It keeps your teeth clean!) ok! if u do den u r a prep!Everyone in the class stared at me and then Draco came into the room even though he was naked and started begging me to take him back. (They aren't staring at you anymore...)
"Ebony, it's not what you think!" Draco screamed sadly.
My friend B'loody Mary Smith smiled at me understatedly. (I've always wanted to master the understated smile.) She flipped her long waste-length gothic black hair and opened her crimson eyes like blood that she was wearing contact lenses on. (Everyone has red contacts. Why is this?) She had pale white skin that she was wearing white makeup on. (Why does she need white makeup if her skin is already white?) Hermione was kidnapped when she was born. (WTF?) Her real parents are vampires and one of them is a witch but Voldemort killed her mother and her father committed suicide because he was depressed about it. (I'm trying very hard not to laugh.) She still has nightmares about it and she is very haunted and depressed. It also turns out her real last name is Smith and not Granger. (How is this a HP fic, again?) (Since she has converted to Satanism she is in Slytherin now not Griffindoor. )
"What is it that you desire, you ridiculous dimwit!" (Ye olde butcherede Englishe.) Snape demeaned (He's demeaning them.) angrily in his cold voice but I ignored him.
"Vampire, I can't believe you cheated on me with Draco!" I shouted at him.
Everyone gasped. (OMG!)
I don't know why Ebony was so mad at me. I had went out with Vampire (I'm bi and so is Ebony) for a while but then he broke my heart. He dumped me because he liked Britney, a stupid preppy fucker. We were just good friends now. He had gone through horrible problems, and now he was gothic. (Haha, like I would hang out with a prep.) (Did the POV just change? I'm confused.)
"But I'm not going out with Draco anymore!" said Vampire.
"Yeah fucking right! Fuck off, you bastard!" (Bad. No swearing.) I screamed. I ran out of the room and into the Forbidden Forest where I had lost my virility (Lol. Virility.) to Draco and then I started to bust into tears.
AN: stop flaming ok! I dntn red all da boox! (If you read more, you might be able to spell...) dis is frum da movie ok so itz nut my folt if dumbeldor swers! (Yeah, guys! Dumbledore swears in the movies!) besuizds I SED HE HAD A HEDACHE! and da reson snap dosent lik harry now is coz hes christian and vampire is a satanist! (WTAF?) MCR ROX! (They're okay.)
I was so mad and sad. (That rhymes!) I couldn't believe Draco for cheating on me. I began to cry against the tree where I did it with Draco.
Then all of a suddenly, an horrible man with red eyes and no nose and everything started flying towards me on a broomstick! He didn't have a nose (basically like Voldemort in the movie) (We guessed.) and he was wearing all black but it was obvious he wasn't gothic. It was... Voldemort! (Please stop with the... Ellipses!)
"No!" I shouted in a scared voice but then Voldemort shouted "Imperius!" and I couldn't run away. (If you say so.)
"Crookshanks!" I shouted at him. Voldemort fell of his broom and started to scream. (Voldemort is terrified of cats.) I felt bad for him even though I'm a sadist so I stopped. (You scare me.)
"Ebony." he yelled. "Thou must kill Vampire Potter!" (And I thought Snape butcherede ye olde Englishe...)
I thought about Vampire and his sexah (Please learn to spell.) eyes and his gothic black hair and how his face looks just like Joel Madden. (I still don't know who that is.) I remembered that Draco had said I didn't understand, so I thought, what if Draco went out with Vampire before I went out with him and they broke up? (You're facing the Dark Lord and you're worrying about your relationship? Sort out your priorities.)
"No, Voldemort!" I shouted back.
Voldemort gave me a gun. "No! Please!" I begged. (Or you could just not take the gun...)
"Thou must!" he yelled. "If thou does not, then I shall kill thy beloved Draco!" (Dear god this is butcherede.)
"How did you know?" I asked in a surprised way.
Voldemort got a dude-ur-so-retarded look on his face. "I hath telekinesis." (He hath.) he answered cruelly. "And if you doth not kill Vampire, then thou know what will happen to Draco!" he shouted. Then he flew away angrily on his broomstick. (I can't blame him. Broomstick must be really uncomfortable. AMIRITE, GUYS? *crickets chirp*)
I was so scared and mad I didn't know what to do. Suddenly Draco came into the woods.
"Draco!" I said. "Hi!"
"Hi." he said back but his face was all sad. He was wearing white foundation and messy eyeliner kind of like a pentagram (geddit) (No. Please explain the joke.) between Joel Madden and Gerard Way.
"Are you okay?" I asked.
"No." he answered. (Poor emo Draco...)
"I'm sorry I got all mad at you but I thought you cheated on me." I expelled.
"That's okay." he said all depressed and we went back into Hogwarts together making out.(He got over his depression pretty quick...)
Guess what! Comments appreciated.
AN: wel ok u guyz im only writting dis cuz I got 5 god reviuws. (How?) n BTW I wont rite da nxt chapter til I git TIN god vons! (Oh dear god no.) STO FLAMING OR ILL REPORT U! Evony isn't a Marie Sue ok she isn't perfect SHES A SATANITS! (Whatever.) n she has problemz shes depressed 4 godz sake! (she doesn't seem very depressed...)
Draco and I held our pale white hands with black nail polish as we went upstairs. I was wearing red Satanist sings (What would a satanist sing? Probably Voltaire.) on my nails in red nail polish (AN: c doez dat sound lik a Maru Sue 2 u?). (Could be.) I waved to Vampire. Dark misery was in his depressed eyes. (I usually put happiness in my depressed eyes.) I guess he was jealous of me that I was going out with Draco. (LOLWUT?) Anyway, I went upstairs excitedly with Draco. We went into his room and locked the door. Then... (Ellipses...)
We started frenching passively (Passively?) and we took off each others clothes enthusiastically. (Okay.) He felt me up before I took of my top. Then I took off my black leather bra and he took off his pants. We went on the bed and started making out naked and then he put his boy's thingy (Adam's apple?) in mine (You have an Adam's apple?) and we HAD SEX. (c is dat stupid?) (The way you make it sound? Yes.)
"Oh Draco, Draco!" I screamed while getting an orgasm (Okay. Either you're leaving stuff out, or you're very quick...) when all of a sudden I saw a tattoo I had never seen before on Draco's arm. It was a black heart with an arrow through it. On it in bloody gothic writing were the words... Vampire! (Please stop with the Ellipses... Please...)
I was so angry. (Somebody needs a hug...)
"You bastard!" I shouted angrily, jumping out of the bed.
"No! No! But you don't understand!" Draco pleaded. But I knew too much.
"No, you fucking idiot!" I shouted. "You probably have AIDs anyway!" (If he does... you've probably already got it.)
I put on my clothes all huffily and then stomped out. Draco ran out even though he was naked. (so very very OOC.) He had a really big you-know-what but I was too mad to care. (Why are you telling us that now?) I stomped out and did so until I was in Vampire's classroom where he was having a lesson with Professor Snape and some other people.
"VAMPIRE POTTER, YOU MOTHERFUCKER!" I yelled. (Quiet. There's a class in progress.)
AN: stop flassing (But flossing's good! It keeps your teeth clean!) ok! if u do den u r a prep!Everyone in the class stared at me and then Draco came into the room even though he was naked and started begging me to take him back. (They aren't staring at you anymore...)
"Ebony, it's not what you think!" Draco screamed sadly.
My friend B'loody Mary Smith smiled at me understatedly. (I've always wanted to master the understated smile.) She flipped her long waste-length gothic black hair and opened her crimson eyes like blood that she was wearing contact lenses on. (Everyone has red contacts. Why is this?) She had pale white skin that she was wearing white makeup on. (Why does she need white makeup if her skin is already white?) Hermione was kidnapped when she was born. (WTF?) Her real parents are vampires and one of them is a witch but Voldemort killed her mother and her father committed suicide because he was depressed about it. (I'm trying very hard not to laugh.) She still has nightmares about it and she is very haunted and depressed. It also turns out her real last name is Smith and not Granger. (How is this a HP fic, again?) (Since she has converted to Satanism she is in Slytherin now not Griffindoor. )
"What is it that you desire, you ridiculous dimwit!" (Ye olde butcherede Englishe.) Snape demeaned (He's demeaning them.) angrily in his cold voice but I ignored him.
"Vampire, I can't believe you cheated on me with Draco!" I shouted at him.
Everyone gasped. (OMG!)
I don't know why Ebony was so mad at me. I had went out with Vampire (I'm bi and so is Ebony) for a while but then he broke my heart. He dumped me because he liked Britney, a stupid preppy fucker. We were just good friends now. He had gone through horrible problems, and now he was gothic. (Haha, like I would hang out with a prep.) (Did the POV just change? I'm confused.)
"But I'm not going out with Draco anymore!" said Vampire.
"Yeah fucking right! Fuck off, you bastard!" (Bad. No swearing.) I screamed. I ran out of the room and into the Forbidden Forest where I had lost my virility (Lol. Virility.) to Draco and then I started to bust into tears.
AN: stop flaming ok! I dntn red all da boox! (If you read more, you might be able to spell...) dis is frum da movie ok so itz nut my folt if dumbeldor swers! (Yeah, guys! Dumbledore swears in the movies!) besuizds I SED HE HAD A HEDACHE! and da reson snap dosent lik harry now is coz hes christian and vampire is a satanist! (WTAF?) MCR ROX! (They're okay.)
I was so mad and sad. (That rhymes!) I couldn't believe Draco for cheating on me. I began to cry against the tree where I did it with Draco.
Then all of a suddenly, an horrible man with red eyes and no nose and everything started flying towards me on a broomstick! He didn't have a nose (basically like Voldemort in the movie) (We guessed.) and he was wearing all black but it was obvious he wasn't gothic. It was... Voldemort! (Please stop with the... Ellipses!)
"No!" I shouted in a scared voice but then Voldemort shouted "Imperius!" and I couldn't run away. (If you say so.)
"Crookshanks!" I shouted at him. Voldemort fell of his broom and started to scream. (Voldemort is terrified of cats.) I felt bad for him even though I'm a sadist so I stopped. (You scare me.)
"Ebony." he yelled. "Thou must kill Vampire Potter!" (And I thought Snape butcherede ye olde Englishe...)
I thought about Vampire and his sexah (Please learn to spell.) eyes and his gothic black hair and how his face looks just like Joel Madden. (I still don't know who that is.) I remembered that Draco had said I didn't understand, so I thought, what if Draco went out with Vampire before I went out with him and they broke up? (You're facing the Dark Lord and you're worrying about your relationship? Sort out your priorities.)
"No, Voldemort!" I shouted back.
Voldemort gave me a gun. "No! Please!" I begged. (Or you could just not take the gun...)
"Thou must!" he yelled. "If thou does not, then I shall kill thy beloved Draco!" (Dear god this is butcherede.)
"How did you know?" I asked in a surprised way.
Voldemort got a dude-ur-so-retarded look on his face. "I hath telekinesis." (He hath.) he answered cruelly. "And if you doth not kill Vampire, then thou know what will happen to Draco!" he shouted. Then he flew away angrily on his broomstick. (I can't blame him. Broomstick must be really uncomfortable. AMIRITE, GUYS? *crickets chirp*)
I was so scared and mad I didn't know what to do. Suddenly Draco came into the woods.
"Draco!" I said. "Hi!"
"Hi." he said back but his face was all sad. He was wearing white foundation and messy eyeliner kind of like a pentagram (geddit) (No. Please explain the joke.) between Joel Madden and Gerard Way.
"Are you okay?" I asked.
"No." he answered. (Poor emo Draco...)
"I'm sorry I got all mad at you but I thought you cheated on me." I expelled.
"That's okay." he said all depressed and we went back into Hogwarts together making out.(He got over his depression pretty quick...)
Guess what! Comments appreciated.
Friday 19 August 2011
My Immortal MST- Chapters 4-6
Same as last time, except Bold is now me. Again, swearwords, although one of them is mine.
AN: I sed stup flaming ok ebony's name is ENOBY (Make up your mind.) nut mary su(e) (Also, you're completely missing the point.) OK! DRACO IS SOO IN LUV wif her dat he is acting defrent! (No, you just can't write very well.) dey nu eechodder b4 ok!
"DRACO!" I shouted. "What the fuck do you think you are doing?" (Calm down...)
Draco didn't answer but he stopped the flying car and he walked out of it. (Whilst it was floating?) I walked out of it too, curiously.
"What the fucking hell?" I asked angrily. (Stop fucking swearing.)
"Ebony?" he asked.
"What?" I snapped. (You're not a nice person.)
Draco leaned in extra-close and I looked into his gothic red eyes (he was wearing color contacts) which revealed so much depressing sorrow and evilness ("Oh Edward," I chagrined.) and then suddenly I didn't feel mad anymore. (D'awwwww.)
And then... suddenly just as I Draco (Just as I Draco makes no sense...) kissed me passionately. Draco climbed on top of me and we started to make out keenly against a tree. (Good for you.) He took of my top and I took of his clothes. I even took of my bra. Then he put his thingie into my you-know-what and we did it for the first time. (He put his finger in your ear? On the first date? How dare he?)
"Oh! Oh! Oh! " I screamed. I was beginning to get an orgasm. (That was quick...) We started to kiss everywhere and my pale body became all warm. And then...
"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING YOU MOTHERFUKERS!" (It should be fairly obvious what they were doing...)
It was...Dumbledore! (Enough with the... Ellipses!)
AN: STOP flaming! if u flam it menz ur a prep or a posr! Da only reson Dumbledeor swor is coz he had a hedache ok (I don't even have to comment on that. That's funny by itself.) an on tup of dat he wuz mad at dem 4 having sexx! PS im nut updating umtil I get five good revoiws! (Yay! No more story!)
Dumbledore made and Draco and I follow him. He kept shouting at us angrily. (As opposed to shouting happily.)
"You ludacris (Like the rapper?) fools (Is Dumbledore Mr. T?)!" he shouted.
I started to cry tears of blood (See a doctor.) down my pallid face. Draco comforted me. When we went back to the castle Dumbledore took us to Professor Snape and Professor McGonagall who were both looking very angry.
"They were having sexual intercourse in the Forbidden Forest!" he yelled in a furious voice. (Good for them.)
"Why did you do such a thing, you mediocre dunces?" asked Professor McGonagall. (Bad grammar, Miss.)
"How dare you?" demanded Professor Snape. (Holy crap! That's in character!)
And then Draco shrieked. "BECAUSE I LOVE HER!"
Everyone was quiet. Dumbledore and Professor McGonagall still looked mad but Professor Snape said. "Fine. Very well. You may go up to your rooms." (That's out of character.)
Draco and I went upstairs while the teachers glared at us.
"Are you okay, Ebony?" Draco asked me gently.
"Yeah I guess." I lied. I went to the girl's dorm and brushed my teeth and my hair and changed into a low-cut black floor-length dress with red lace all around it and black high heels. (Please stop describing clothing. I am losing the will to live.) When I came out... (Ellipses...)
Draco was standing in front of the bathroom (That's creepy.), and he started to sing "I just wanna live" by Good Charlotte. I was so flattered, even though he wasn't supposed to be there (Call the police.). We hugged and kissed. After that, we said goodnight and he reluctantly went back into his room. (How romantic.)
AN: shjt up prepz ok! PS I wnot update ubtil u give me goood revows! (Holy crap. You got the good reviews you wanted? Amazing.)
The next day I woke up in my coffin. I put on a black miniskirt that was all ripped around the end and a matching top with red skulls all over it and high heeled boots that were black. I put on two pairs of skull earrings, (You have four ears?) and two crosses in my ears. (Six ears?) I spray-painted my hair with purple.
In the Great Hall, I ate some Count Chocula cereal with blood instead of milk, and a glass of red blood. (Why are the Hogwarts people fine with that?) Suddenly someone bumped into me. All the blood spilled over my top.
"Bastard!" I shouted angrily. I regretted saying it when I looked up cause I was looking into the pale white face of a gothic boy with spiky black hair with red streaks in it. (Why is everyone in Hogwarts goth?) He was wearing so much eyeliner that I was going down his face and he was wearing black lipstick. (Because that's normal.) He didn't have glasses anymore (He got laser eye surgery.) and now he was wearing red contact lenses just like Draco's and there was no scar on his forhead anymore. (Cosmetic surgery is truly amazing.) He had a manly stubble on his chin. (Like me!) He had a sexy English accent. (Not like me.) He looked exactly like Joel Madden. (i do not know who that is.) He was so sexy that my body went all hot when I saw him kind of like an erection only I'm a girl so I didn't get one you sicko. (Suspiciously specific denial?)
"I'm so sorry." he said in a shy voice.
"That's all right. What's your name?" I questioned. (You got over it pretty fast...)
"My name's Harry Potter, although most people call me Vampire these days." he grumbled.
"Why?" I exclaimed.
"Because I love the taste of human blood." he giggled. (Ebony/Egogy/Mary Sue. CALL THE COPS.)
"Well, I am a vampire." I confessed. (Goddamn Twihards...)
"Really?" he whimpered.
"Yeah." I roared. (I am Catwoman! HEAR ME ROAR!)
We sat down to talk for a while. Then Draco came up behind me and told me he had a surprise for me so I went away with him. (Oh, sure, don't say goodbye or anything.)
Again, comments appreciated.
AN: I sed stup flaming ok ebony's name is ENOBY (Make up your mind.) nut mary su(e) (Also, you're completely missing the point.) OK! DRACO IS SOO IN LUV wif her dat he is acting defrent! (No, you just can't write very well.) dey nu eechodder b4 ok!
"DRACO!" I shouted. "What the fuck do you think you are doing?" (Calm down...)
Draco didn't answer but he stopped the flying car and he walked out of it. (Whilst it was floating?) I walked out of it too, curiously.
"What the fucking hell?" I asked angrily. (Stop fucking swearing.)
"Ebony?" he asked.
"What?" I snapped. (You're not a nice person.)
Draco leaned in extra-close and I looked into his gothic red eyes (he was wearing color contacts) which revealed so much depressing sorrow and evilness ("Oh Edward," I chagrined.) and then suddenly I didn't feel mad anymore. (D'awwwww.)
And then... suddenly just as I Draco (Just as I Draco makes no sense...) kissed me passionately. Draco climbed on top of me and we started to make out keenly against a tree. (Good for you.) He took of my top and I took of his clothes. I even took of my bra. Then he put his thingie into my you-know-what and we did it for the first time. (He put his finger in your ear? On the first date? How dare he?)
"Oh! Oh! Oh! " I screamed. I was beginning to get an orgasm. (That was quick...) We started to kiss everywhere and my pale body became all warm. And then...
"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING YOU MOTHERFUKERS!" (It should be fairly obvious what they were doing...)
It was...Dumbledore! (Enough with the... Ellipses!)
AN: STOP flaming! if u flam it menz ur a prep or a posr! Da only reson Dumbledeor swor is coz he had a hedache ok (I don't even have to comment on that. That's funny by itself.) an on tup of dat he wuz mad at dem 4 having sexx! PS im nut updating umtil I get five good revoiws! (Yay! No more story!)
Dumbledore made and Draco and I follow him. He kept shouting at us angrily. (As opposed to shouting happily.)
"You ludacris (Like the rapper?) fools (Is Dumbledore Mr. T?)!" he shouted.
I started to cry tears of blood (See a doctor.) down my pallid face. Draco comforted me. When we went back to the castle Dumbledore took us to Professor Snape and Professor McGonagall who were both looking very angry.
"They were having sexual intercourse in the Forbidden Forest!" he yelled in a furious voice. (Good for them.)
"Why did you do such a thing, you mediocre dunces?" asked Professor McGonagall. (Bad grammar, Miss.)
"How dare you?" demanded Professor Snape. (Holy crap! That's in character!)
And then Draco shrieked. "BECAUSE I LOVE HER!"
Everyone was quiet. Dumbledore and Professor McGonagall still looked mad but Professor Snape said. "Fine. Very well. You may go up to your rooms." (That's out of character.)
Draco and I went upstairs while the teachers glared at us.
"Are you okay, Ebony?" Draco asked me gently.
"Yeah I guess." I lied. I went to the girl's dorm and brushed my teeth and my hair and changed into a low-cut black floor-length dress with red lace all around it and black high heels. (Please stop describing clothing. I am losing the will to live.) When I came out... (Ellipses...)
Draco was standing in front of the bathroom (That's creepy.), and he started to sing "I just wanna live" by Good Charlotte. I was so flattered, even though he wasn't supposed to be there (Call the police.). We hugged and kissed. After that, we said goodnight and he reluctantly went back into his room. (How romantic.)
AN: shjt up prepz ok! PS I wnot update ubtil u give me goood revows! (Holy crap. You got the good reviews you wanted? Amazing.)
The next day I woke up in my coffin. I put on a black miniskirt that was all ripped around the end and a matching top with red skulls all over it and high heeled boots that were black. I put on two pairs of skull earrings, (You have four ears?) and two crosses in my ears. (Six ears?) I spray-painted my hair with purple.
In the Great Hall, I ate some Count Chocula cereal with blood instead of milk, and a glass of red blood. (Why are the Hogwarts people fine with that?) Suddenly someone bumped into me. All the blood spilled over my top.
"Bastard!" I shouted angrily. I regretted saying it when I looked up cause I was looking into the pale white face of a gothic boy with spiky black hair with red streaks in it. (Why is everyone in Hogwarts goth?) He was wearing so much eyeliner that I was going down his face and he was wearing black lipstick. (Because that's normal.) He didn't have glasses anymore (He got laser eye surgery.) and now he was wearing red contact lenses just like Draco's and there was no scar on his forhead anymore. (Cosmetic surgery is truly amazing.) He had a manly stubble on his chin. (Like me!) He had a sexy English accent. (Not like me.) He looked exactly like Joel Madden. (i do not know who that is.) He was so sexy that my body went all hot when I saw him kind of like an erection only I'm a girl so I didn't get one you sicko. (Suspiciously specific denial?)
"I'm so sorry." he said in a shy voice.
"That's all right. What's your name?" I questioned. (You got over it pretty fast...)
"My name's Harry Potter, although most people call me Vampire these days." he grumbled.
"Why?" I exclaimed.
"Because I love the taste of human blood." he giggled. (Ebony/Egogy/Mary Sue. CALL THE COPS.)
"Well, I am a vampire." I confessed. (Goddamn Twihards...)
"Really?" he whimpered.
"Yeah." I roared. (I am Catwoman! HEAR ME ROAR!)
We sat down to talk for a while. Then Draco came up behind me and told me he had a surprise for me so I went away with him. (Oh, sure, don't say goodbye or anything.)
Again, comments appreciated.
Wednesday 17 August 2011
My Immortal MST- Chapters 1-3
Text in bold is the fic. Text in brackets is mine. For those who are unaware, MSTing is, essentially, snarking over things. It's like commentary for a fic. The term comes from Mystery Science Theater 3000, which you should all go watch. Swearwords are present but not mine.
AN: Special fangz (get it, coz Im goffik) (Yeah, we got it. It just wasn't funny) 2 my gf (ew not in that way) (Lesbianism's okay.) raven, bloodytearz666 (That's a dumb username.) 4 helpin me wif da story and spelling. (Yeah, she did such a good job.)U rok! Justin ur da luv of my deprzzing life u rok 2! MCR ROX! (Yes they do.)
Hi my name is Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way (Overly long name...) and I have long ebony black hair (that's how I got my name) (Your parents are mean.) with purple streaks and red tips that reaches my mid-back and icy blue eyes like limpid tears and a lot of people tell me I look like Amy Lee (AN: if u don't know who she is get da hell out of here!). I'm not related to Gerard Way but I wish I was because he's a major fucking hottie. (You wish you were related to a hottie?) I'm a vampire but my teeth are straight and white. (As opposed to wiggly and purple.) I have pale white skin. I'm also a witch, and I go to a magic school called Hogwarts in England where I'm in the seventh year (I'm seventeen). I'm a goth (in case you couldn't tell) (I couldn't tell.) and I wear mostly black. I love Hot Topic and I buy all my clothes from there. (Poser.) For example today I was wearing a black corset with matching lace around it and a black leather miniskirt, pink fishnets and black combat boots. I was wearing black lipstick, white foundation, black eyeliner and red eye shadow. (TMI...) I was walking outside Hogwarts. It was snowing and raining (At the same time.) so there was no sun, which I was very happy about. A lot of preps stared at me. I put up my middle finger at them. (You bicta.)
"Hey Ebony!" shouted a voice. I looked up. It was... Draco Malfoy! (Dramatic... Ellipses!)
"What's up Draco?" I asked.
"Nothing." he said shyly.
But then, I heard my friends call me and I had to go away.
AN: IS it good? PLZ tell me fangz! (No. )
AN: Fangz 2 bloodytearz666 4 helpin me wif da chapta! BTW preps stop flaming ma story ok! (But flaming's fun. Try it!)
The next day I woke up in my bedroom. (Good place to wake up...) It was snowing and raining again. (Bad weather...) I opened the door of my coffin and drank some blood from a bottle I had. My coffin was black ebony and inside it was hot pink velvet with black lace on the ends. I got out of my coffin and took of (Took off.) my giant MCR t-shirt which I used for pajamas. Instead, I put on a black leather dress, a pentagram necklace, combat boots and black fishnets on. I put on four pairs of earrings in my pierced ears, (You have four ears?) and put my hair in a kind of messy bun.
My friend, Willow (AN: Raven dis is u!) (OMG LYK TOTALLY YAY!) woke up then and grinned at me. She flipped her long waist-length raven black hair with pink streaks and opened her forest-green eyes. She put on her Marilyn Manson (Poser.) t-shirt with a black mini, fishnets and pointy high-heeled boots. We put on our makeup (black lipstick white foundation and black eyeliner.) (Y SO MUCH CLOTHING DESCRIPTION?)
"OMFG, I saw you talking to Draco Malfoy yesterday!" she said excitedly.
"Yeah? So?" I said, blushing.
"Do you like Draco?" she asked as we went out of the Slytherin common room and into the Great Hall.
"No I so fucking don't!" I shouted. (Calm down...)
"Yeah right!" she exclaimed. Just then, Draco walked up to me.
"Hi." he said.
"Hi." I replied flirtily. (Yeah, you like him.)
"Guess what." he said.
"What?" I asked.
"Well, Good Charlotte are having a concert in Hogsmeade." he told me. (Convenient.)
"Oh. My. Fucking. God!" I screamed. I love GC. They are my favorite band, besides MCR.
"Well... do you want to go with me?" he asked.
I gasped. (Vampires breathe?)
AN: STOP FLAMMING DA STORY PREPZ OK! odderwize fangs 2 da goffik ppl 4 da good reveiws! (People gave this good reviews? Really?) FANGS AGEN RAVEN! oh yeah, BTW I don't own dis (You don't own your own fic?) or da lyrics 4 Good Chralotte. On the night of the concert I put on my black lace-up boots with high heels. Underneath them were ripped red fishnets. Then I put on a black leather minidress with all this corset stuff on the back and front. I put on matching fishnet on my arms. I straightened my hair and made it look all spiky. (So much clothing description in this fic...) I felt a little depressed then, so I slit one of my wrists. (You know, just casually.) I read a depressing book while I waited for it to stop bleeding (Vampires bleed?) and I listened to some GC. I painted my nails black and put on TONS of black eyeliner. Then I put on some black lipstick. I didn't put on foundation because I was pale anyway. (More appearance description...) I drank some human blood so I was ready to go to the concert. (Yeah, where do you get that? And have you tried Tru-Blood?)
I went outside. Draco was waiting there in front of his flying car. He was wearing a Simple Plan t-shirt (they would play at the show too), baggy black skater pants, black nail polish and a little eyeliner (AN: A lot fo kewl boiz wer it ok!). (I'm not even going to attempt to translate that.)
"Hi Draco!" I said in a depressed voice. (Come on! You're going to see your second-favourite band! GET PUMPED!)
"Hi Ebony." he said back. We walked into his flying black Mercedes-Benz (Nice car... and it flies!) (the license plate said 666) and flew to the place with the concert. On the way we listened excitedly (Much better.) to Good Charlotte and Marilyn Manson (Poser.). We both smoked cigarettes and drugs. (Again, do Vampires have bloodstreams?) When we got there, we both hopped out of the car. We went to the mosh pit (At a goth concert?) at the front of the stage and jumped up and down as we listened to Good Charlotte.
"You come in cold, you're covered in blood They're all so happy you've arrived The doctor cuts your cord, hands you to your mom She sets you free into this life." sang Joel (I don't own da lyrics 2 dat song). (I never would have guessed.)
"Joel is so fucking hot." I said to Draco, pointing to him as he sung, filling the club with his amazing voice. (There's a club in Hogsmeade?
Suddenly Draco looked sad.
"What's wrong?" I asked as we moshed to the music. Then I caught on.
"Hey, it's ok I don't like him better than YOU!" I said. (YAY!)
"Really?" asked Draco sensitively and he put his arm around me all protective.
"Really." I said. "Besides I don't even know Joel and he's going out with Hilary fucking Duff. (Leave Hilary Duff alone.) I fucking hate that little bitch." (I'm sure she's a lovely person.) I said disgustedly, thinking of her ugly blonde face. (She's also pretty pretty.)
The night went on really well, and I had a great time. So did Draco. After the concert, we drank some beer and asked Benji and Joel for their autographs and photos with them. We got GC concert tees. (Concert tees at a club? Also, are they all wizards? How did they get into Hogsmeade?) Draco and I crawled back (You couldn't have just walked?) into the Mercedes-Benz, but Draco didn't go back into Hogwarts, instead he drove the car into... the Forbidden Forest! (Dramatic... Ellipses!)
Do you guys want me to MST any more?
Also, comments are appreciated.
AN: Special fangz (get it, coz Im goffik) (Yeah, we got it. It just wasn't funny) 2 my gf (ew not in that way) (Lesbianism's okay.) raven, bloodytearz666 (That's a dumb username.) 4 helpin me wif da story and spelling. (Yeah, she did such a good job.)U rok! Justin ur da luv of my deprzzing life u rok 2! MCR ROX! (Yes they do.)
Hi my name is Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way (Overly long name...) and I have long ebony black hair (that's how I got my name) (Your parents are mean.) with purple streaks and red tips that reaches my mid-back and icy blue eyes like limpid tears and a lot of people tell me I look like Amy Lee (AN: if u don't know who she is get da hell out of here!). I'm not related to Gerard Way but I wish I was because he's a major fucking hottie. (You wish you were related to a hottie?) I'm a vampire but my teeth are straight and white. (As opposed to wiggly and purple.) I have pale white skin. I'm also a witch, and I go to a magic school called Hogwarts in England where I'm in the seventh year (I'm seventeen). I'm a goth (in case you couldn't tell) (I couldn't tell.) and I wear mostly black. I love Hot Topic and I buy all my clothes from there. (Poser.) For example today I was wearing a black corset with matching lace around it and a black leather miniskirt, pink fishnets and black combat boots. I was wearing black lipstick, white foundation, black eyeliner and red eye shadow. (TMI...) I was walking outside Hogwarts. It was snowing and raining (At the same time.) so there was no sun, which I was very happy about. A lot of preps stared at me. I put up my middle finger at them. (You bicta.)
"Hey Ebony!" shouted a voice. I looked up. It was... Draco Malfoy! (Dramatic... Ellipses!)
"What's up Draco?" I asked.
"Nothing." he said shyly.
But then, I heard my friends call me and I had to go away.
AN: IS it good? PLZ tell me fangz! (No. )
AN: Fangz 2 bloodytearz666 4 helpin me wif da chapta! BTW preps stop flaming ma story ok! (But flaming's fun. Try it!)
The next day I woke up in my bedroom. (Good place to wake up...) It was snowing and raining again. (Bad weather...) I opened the door of my coffin and drank some blood from a bottle I had. My coffin was black ebony and inside it was hot pink velvet with black lace on the ends. I got out of my coffin and took of (Took off.) my giant MCR t-shirt which I used for pajamas. Instead, I put on a black leather dress, a pentagram necklace, combat boots and black fishnets on. I put on four pairs of earrings in my pierced ears, (You have four ears?) and put my hair in a kind of messy bun.
My friend, Willow (AN: Raven dis is u!) (OMG LYK TOTALLY YAY!) woke up then and grinned at me. She flipped her long waist-length raven black hair with pink streaks and opened her forest-green eyes. She put on her Marilyn Manson (Poser.) t-shirt with a black mini, fishnets and pointy high-heeled boots. We put on our makeup (black lipstick white foundation and black eyeliner.) (Y SO MUCH CLOTHING DESCRIPTION?)
"OMFG, I saw you talking to Draco Malfoy yesterday!" she said excitedly.
"Yeah? So?" I said, blushing.
"Do you like Draco?" she asked as we went out of the Slytherin common room and into the Great Hall.
"No I so fucking don't!" I shouted. (Calm down...)
"Yeah right!" she exclaimed. Just then, Draco walked up to me.
"Hi." he said.
"Hi." I replied flirtily. (Yeah, you like him.)
"Guess what." he said.
"What?" I asked.
"Well, Good Charlotte are having a concert in Hogsmeade." he told me. (Convenient.)
"Oh. My. Fucking. God!" I screamed. I love GC. They are my favorite band, besides MCR.
"Well... do you want to go with me?" he asked.
I gasped. (Vampires breathe?)
AN: STOP FLAMMING DA STORY PREPZ OK! odderwize fangs 2 da goffik ppl 4 da good reveiws! (People gave this good reviews? Really?) FANGS AGEN RAVEN! oh yeah, BTW I don't own dis (You don't own your own fic?) or da lyrics 4 Good Chralotte. On the night of the concert I put on my black lace-up boots with high heels. Underneath them were ripped red fishnets. Then I put on a black leather minidress with all this corset stuff on the back and front. I put on matching fishnet on my arms. I straightened my hair and made it look all spiky. (So much clothing description in this fic...) I felt a little depressed then, so I slit one of my wrists. (You know, just casually.) I read a depressing book while I waited for it to stop bleeding (Vampires bleed?) and I listened to some GC. I painted my nails black and put on TONS of black eyeliner. Then I put on some black lipstick. I didn't put on foundation because I was pale anyway. (More appearance description...) I drank some human blood so I was ready to go to the concert. (Yeah, where do you get that? And have you tried Tru-Blood?)
I went outside. Draco was waiting there in front of his flying car. He was wearing a Simple Plan t-shirt (they would play at the show too), baggy black skater pants, black nail polish and a little eyeliner (AN: A lot fo kewl boiz wer it ok!). (I'm not even going to attempt to translate that.)
"Hi Draco!" I said in a depressed voice. (Come on! You're going to see your second-favourite band! GET PUMPED!)
"Hi Ebony." he said back. We walked into his flying black Mercedes-Benz (Nice car... and it flies!) (the license plate said 666) and flew to the place with the concert. On the way we listened excitedly (Much better.) to Good Charlotte and Marilyn Manson (Poser.). We both smoked cigarettes and drugs. (Again, do Vampires have bloodstreams?) When we got there, we both hopped out of the car. We went to the mosh pit (At a goth concert?) at the front of the stage and jumped up and down as we listened to Good Charlotte.
"You come in cold, you're covered in blood They're all so happy you've arrived The doctor cuts your cord, hands you to your mom She sets you free into this life." sang Joel (I don't own da lyrics 2 dat song). (I never would have guessed.)
"Joel is so fucking hot." I said to Draco, pointing to him as he sung, filling the club with his amazing voice. (There's a club in Hogsmeade?
Suddenly Draco looked sad.
"What's wrong?" I asked as we moshed to the music. Then I caught on.
"Hey, it's ok I don't like him better than YOU!" I said. (YAY!)
"Really?" asked Draco sensitively and he put his arm around me all protective.
"Really." I said. "Besides I don't even know Joel and he's going out with Hilary fucking Duff. (Leave Hilary Duff alone.) I fucking hate that little bitch." (I'm sure she's a lovely person.) I said disgustedly, thinking of her ugly blonde face. (She's also pretty pretty.)
The night went on really well, and I had a great time. So did Draco. After the concert, we drank some beer and asked Benji and Joel for their autographs and photos with them. We got GC concert tees. (Concert tees at a club? Also, are they all wizards? How did they get into Hogsmeade?) Draco and I crawled back (You couldn't have just walked?) into the Mercedes-Benz, but Draco didn't go back into Hogwarts, instead he drove the car into... the Forbidden Forest! (Dramatic... Ellipses!)
Do you guys want me to MST any more?
Also, comments are appreciated.
Saturday 13 August 2011
My Immortal
Good readers of this blog, I have something to share with you all.
"My Immortal." A Harry Potter fanfic.
This is, quite simply, the worst fic I have ever read.
The grammar and spleling is horribl, the plot makes absolutely no sense, and the characters are so remarkably OOC it's hilarious.
The MC of this fic is Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way, a seventh year Slytherin, and an amazingly obvious Mary Sue. She is "goffik", although any actual goth reading the fic would immediately punch the author in the face. She's usually seen with her "stanist" "goff" friends, who cut themselves, cry blood, and are, for some reason, all in Slytherin.
Many of JK Rowling's creations have been renamed. Hermione becomes "B'loody Mary", Ron becomes "Diabolo", and Harry becomes "Vampire."
The fic's "plot" is centered around "Vlodemort" trying to get Egogy to kill Vampire and there's also a lot of drama between Egogy, Drako and Vampire, and there's time traveling shenanigans.
You know what? Forget that last paragraph. There's no plot here. There is, however:
Sex. (Badly written.)
Torture. (Badly written.)
Concerts. (Badly written.)
Homo-bisexuality. (Badly written.)
Clothing descriptions. (Badly written, and making up about one third of the fic.)
If any of this offends you, fear not! The first sex scene is as follows. "He put his thingy into my you-know-what" The rest are similar. Anything that would have been remotely offensive is rendered hilarious.
There are only two reasons this fic should exist. The first is that it is the work of a Troll. If it is, I congratulate you, sir or madam.
The other reason is much more terrifying. If this fic was written in earnest, I fear for humanity.
Regardless, seek it out. Find it, read it, laugh.
But please, don't take it seriously.
"My Immortal." A Harry Potter fanfic.
This is, quite simply, the worst fic I have ever read.
The grammar and spleling is horribl, the plot makes absolutely no sense, and the characters are so remarkably OOC it's hilarious.
The MC of this fic is Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way, a seventh year Slytherin, and an amazingly obvious Mary Sue. She is "goffik", although any actual goth reading the fic would immediately punch the author in the face. She's usually seen with her "stanist" "goff" friends, who cut themselves, cry blood, and are, for some reason, all in Slytherin.
Many of JK Rowling's creations have been renamed. Hermione becomes "B'loody Mary", Ron becomes "Diabolo", and Harry becomes "Vampire."
The fic's "plot" is centered around "Vlodemort" trying to get Egogy to kill Vampire and there's also a lot of drama between Egogy, Drako and Vampire, and there's time traveling shenanigans.
You know what? Forget that last paragraph. There's no plot here. There is, however:
Sex. (Badly written.)
Torture. (Badly written.)
Concerts. (Badly written.)
Homo-bisexuality. (Badly written.)
Clothing descriptions. (Badly written, and making up about one third of the fic.)
If any of this offends you, fear not! The first sex scene is as follows. "He put his thingy into my you-know-what" The rest are similar. Anything that would have been remotely offensive is rendered hilarious.
There are only two reasons this fic should exist. The first is that it is the work of a Troll. If it is, I congratulate you, sir or madam.
The other reason is much more terrifying. If this fic was written in earnest, I fear for humanity.
Regardless, seek it out. Find it, read it, laugh.
But please, don't take it seriously.
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