Wednesday, 17 August 2011

My Immortal MST- Chapters 1-3

Text in bold is the fic. Text in brackets is mine. For those who are unaware, MSTing is, essentially, snarking over things. It's like commentary for a fic. The term comes from Mystery Science Theater 3000, which you should all go watch. Swearwords are present but not mine.

AN: Special fangz (get it, coz Im goffik) (Yeah, we got it. It just wasn't funny) 2 my gf (ew not in that way) (Lesbianism's okay.) raven, bloodytearz666 (That's a dumb username.) 4 helpin me wif da story and spelling. (Yeah, she did such a good job.)U rok! Justin ur da luv of my deprzzing life u rok 2! MCR ROX! (Yes they do.)
Hi my name is Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way (Overly long name...) and I have long ebony black hair (that's how I got my name) (Your parents are mean.) with purple streaks and red tips that reaches my mid-back and icy blue eyes like limpid tears and a lot of people tell me I look like Amy Lee (AN: if u don't know who she is get da hell out of here!). I'm not related to Gerard Way but I wish I was because he's a major fucking hottie. (You wish you were related to a hottie?) I'm a vampire but my teeth are straight and white. (As opposed to wiggly and purple.) I have pale white skin. I'm also a witch, and I go to a magic school called Hogwarts in England where I'm in the seventh year (I'm seventeen). I'm a goth (in case you couldn't tell) (I couldn't tell.) and I wear mostly black. I love Hot Topic and I buy all my clothes from there. (Poser.) For example today I was wearing a black corset with matching lace around it and a black leather miniskirt, pink fishnets and black combat boots. I was wearing black lipstick, white foundation, black eyeliner and red eye shadow. (TMI...) I was walking outside Hogwarts. It was snowing and raining (At the same time.) so there was no sun, which I was very happy about. A lot of preps stared at me. I put up my middle finger at them. (You bicta.)
"Hey Ebony!" shouted a voice. I looked up. It was... Draco Malfoy! (Dramatic... Ellipses!)
"What's up Draco?" I asked.
"Nothing." he said shyly.
But then, I heard my friends call me and I had to go away.
AN: IS it good? PLZ tell me fangz! (No. )

AN: Fangz 2 bloodytearz666 4 helpin me wif da chapta! BTW preps stop flaming ma story ok! (But flaming's fun. Try it!)
The next day I woke up in my bedroom. (Good place to wake up...) It was snowing and raining again. (Bad weather...) I opened the door of my coffin and drank some blood from a bottle I had. My coffin was black ebony and inside it was hot pink velvet with black lace on the ends. I got out of my coffin and took of (Took off.) my giant MCR t-shirt which I used for pajamas. Instead, I put on a black leather dress, a pentagram necklace, combat boots and black fishnets on. I put on four pairs of earrings in my pierced ears, (You have four ears?) and put my hair in a kind of messy bun.
My friend, Willow (AN: Raven dis is u!) (OMG LYK TOTALLY YAY!) woke up then and grinned at me. She flipped her long waist-length raven black hair with pink streaks and opened her forest-green eyes. She put on her Marilyn Manson (Poser.) t-shirt with a black mini, fishnets and pointy high-heeled boots. We put on our makeup (black lipstick white foundation and black eyeliner.) (Y SO MUCH CLOTHING DESCRIPTION?)
"OMFG, I saw you talking to Draco Malfoy yesterday!" she said excitedly.
"Yeah? So?" I said, blushing.
"Do you like Draco?" she asked as we went out of the Slytherin common room and into the Great Hall.
"No I so fucking don't!" I shouted. (Calm down...)
"Yeah right!" she exclaimed. Just then, Draco walked up to me.
"Hi." he said.
"Hi." I replied flirtily. (Yeah, you like him.)
"Guess what." he said.
"What?" I asked.
"Well, Good Charlotte are having a concert in Hogsmeade." he told me. (Convenient.)
"Oh. My. Fucking. God!" I screamed. I love GC. They are my favorite band, besides MCR.
"Well... do you want to go with me?" he asked.
I gasped. (Vampires breathe?)

AN: STOP FLAMMING DA STORY PREPZ OK! odderwize fangs 2 da goffik ppl 4 da good reveiws! (People gave this good reviews? Really?) FANGS AGEN RAVEN! oh yeah, BTW I don't own dis (You don't own your own fic?) or da lyrics 4 Good Chralotte. On the night of the concert I put on my black lace-up boots with high heels. Underneath them were ripped red fishnets. Then I put on a black leather minidress with all this corset stuff on the back and front. I put on matching fishnet on my arms. I straightened my hair and made it look all spiky. (So much clothing description in this fic...) I felt a little depressed then, so I slit one of my wrists. (You know, just casually.) I read a depressing book while I waited for it to stop bleeding (Vampires bleed?) and I listened to some GC. I painted my nails black and put on TONS of black eyeliner. Then I put on some black lipstick. I didn't put on foundation because I was pale anyway. (More appearance description...) I drank some human blood so I was ready to go to the concert. (Yeah, where do you get that? And have you tried Tru-Blood?)
I went outside. Draco was waiting there in front of his flying car. He was wearing a Simple Plan t-shirt (they would play at the show too), baggy black skater pants, black nail polish and a little eyeliner (AN: A lot fo kewl boiz wer it ok!). (I'm not even going to attempt to translate that.)
"Hi Draco!" I said in a depressed voice. (Come on! You're going to see your second-favourite band! GET PUMPED!)
"Hi Ebony." he said back. We walked into his flying black Mercedes-Benz (Nice car... and it flies!) (the license plate said 666) and flew to the place with the concert. On the way we listened excitedly (Much better.) to Good Charlotte and Marilyn Manson (Poser.). We both smoked cigarettes and drugs. (Again, do Vampires have bloodstreams?) When we got there, we both hopped out of the car. We went to the mosh pit (At a goth concert?) at the front of the stage and jumped up and down as we listened to Good Charlotte.
"You come in cold, you're covered in blood They're all so happy you've arrived The doctor cuts your cord, hands you to your mom She sets you free into this life." sang Joel (I don't own da lyrics 2 dat song). (I never would have guessed.)
"Joel is so fucking hot." I said to Draco, pointing to him as he sung, filling the club with his amazing voice. (There's a club in Hogsmeade?
Suddenly Draco looked sad.
"What's wrong?" I asked as we moshed to the music. Then I caught on.
"Hey, it's ok I don't like him better than YOU!" I said. (YAY!)
"Really?" asked Draco sensitively and he put his arm around me all protective.
"Really." I said. "Besides I don't even know Joel and he's going out with Hilary fucking Duff. (Leave Hilary Duff alone.) I fucking hate that little bitch." (I'm sure she's a lovely person.) I said disgustedly, thinking of her ugly blonde face. (She's also pretty pretty.)
The night went on really well, and I had a great time. So did Draco. After the concert, we drank some beer and asked Benji and Joel for their autographs and photos with them. We got GC concert tees. (Concert tees at a club? Also, are they all wizards? How did they get into Hogsmeade?) Draco and I crawled back (You couldn't have just walked?) into the Mercedes-Benz, but Draco didn't go back into Hogwarts, instead he drove the car into... the Forbidden Forest! (Dramatic... Ellipses!)

Do you guys want me to MST any more?
Also, comments are appreciated.


  1. Niall, where did you FIND this story? This is hilarious! You should definitely MST more!

  2. Ah, I read your last post. Clothing descriptions are indeed everywhere!!

    Although I would like to add that in some vampire books (I do read a lot of them) vampires can bleed, but they don't really need the blood to survive. These books are by (usually) decent authors, however, so they can make that factor work...

  3. EPICA!!!

    Must MST more!!!

    (I like the bit further on where it says that Draco was probably slitting his wrists and that it wouldn't kill him him as the only way to kill vampires was a c-r-o-s-s… and then about 5 seconds later we're told that he committed suicide by slitting his wrists) (plus does slitting your wrist actually kill you anyway?)

  4. @Pyro, you can die from blood loss...

    Besides, he comes back in like 5 seconds, and his suicide is never mentioned again.

  5. Must do more of this!

    This makes a hilariously awful fanfic even more hilarious.

    I swear that so many of your comments I thought to myself when reading it yesterday :D


  6. LOL
    'I felt a little depressed then, so I slit one of my wrists. (You know, just casually.)'

    I need to read more of this fic!
    What's the link to it?

    And also, vampires die in sunlight, and the Weasley's are the only people with a flying car. DUH! :P